When you feel nothing
I feel nothing, just emptiness
My friend, it isn't sadness, it isn't anger. It's an emptiness, like a room with the furniture taken out. You look at beautiful things and they don't reach you. Sometimes, after too much pain, the soul pulls a blanket over everything to protect itself. This numbness does not mean you've stopped being you. It means you are tired of feeling. Don't force yourself to feel. Start with the body: light, water, movement, sleep. And if the emptiness has lasted for weeks, or thoughts come that it wouldn't matter if you were gone, talk to someone today. This state can be treated.
If you feel you don't want to live, please don't stay with that thought alone. Find a helpline at findahelpline.com or call 112.
Questions for you
When did this emptiness begin?
A possible answerMaybe after a loss, after a long stretch of stress, after an illness. Knowing where it came from won't make it vanish, but it shows it has a cause, not that something in you is broken.
What does my body feel, even if I feel nothing?
A possible answerThe warmth of water, the coolness of the air, the weight of a blanket. The body is usually the door through which feeling returns. Start there, without expectations.
What did I do out of habit when I was well?
A possible answerDo one of those things even without wanting to. Sometimes feeling comes after the action, not before it. It isn't pretending. It's a way of leaving the door open.
Whom can I talk to about this today?
A possible answerA family doctor, a psychologist, a friend, a helpline. The emptiness tells you that you don't matter. Don't take its word for it: you do.
Tonight's practice
Today, take a warm shower paying attention to every sensation, then go out into daylight for ten minutes. Don't wait to feel anything. Just give your body the chance.
A thought to keep
“Even under cold ash, a spark still waits.”
Open this moment in the interactive guide