When it's about love
I don't know whether to stay or go
My friend, you stand between two doors and each seems to lead to a loss. If you stay, you fear wasting your life. If you go, you fear regret. Don't rush to choose just to escape the unease of choosing. Look at what is happening, not at what someone promises will happen. Look at who you become in this relationship: more yourself or less yourself. And one clear thing: if you are afraid of the person beside you, this is no longer about doubt but about your safety. Then talk to someone you trust, or call your emergency number.
Questions for you
Who do I become in this relationship?
A possible answerDoes your courage grow or do you shrink? Do you breathe freely or weigh every word? A good relationship doesn't erase hardship, but it lets you be more yourself.
What has really changed since the last promises?
A possible answerPromises are measured in repeated actions, not in beautiful words after a fight. If the pattern stays the same, the pattern is telling you the truth.
If a friend described my exact relationship to me, what would I tell them?
A possible answerFrom a distance we see more clearly. The answer you'd give a friend is often the one you're afraid to give yourself.
What have we already tried, and what haven't we tried yet?
A possible answerAn honest talk, couples therapy, a break. If you've truly tried and nothing moves, leaving is not a failure. If you haven't, one more step is worth taking before the last door.
Tonight's practice
Split a page in two: “What keeps me here” and “What hurts me”. Write only facts from the last month, not old memories and not promises. Read the list again in three days.
A thought to keep
“Don't warm yourself at a promised fire. Look at the one that is burning.”
Open this moment in the interactive guide